is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
