we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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