Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
