dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The adults are the big ones right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
