she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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