I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
