I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
