i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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