you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
