Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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