Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
