Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
