No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
