so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
