so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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