I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize