I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
