And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
