shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
