The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
