the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
