you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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