You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
