I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
