Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
