Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize