you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
