Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
