she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize