started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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