i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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