Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
