I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
