We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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