On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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