you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
