i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize