yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
