: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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