I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
