So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize