we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
