I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize