Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
