I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
