just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
