My balls are so social today.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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