hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize