Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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