My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
