you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize