I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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