you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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