My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
