the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
