..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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