Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
