You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can Purell be used as lube?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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