he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize