Don't you send me to vm
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
