Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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