is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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