Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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