mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize