Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
