Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
