im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
