everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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