trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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