i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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