woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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