My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh god it's open bar.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
