i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize