i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
