I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
