If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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