My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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