So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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